Monday, September 28, 2015

Life is moving on around us...

There are many things you are forced to cope with when you are #blessed with a colicky kid. One of those things, for us, was the immense words and acts of love and encouragement we received. In our favor perhaps, we were quite vocal with our loved ones on just how bad it was. We have great friends and family that surrounded us with love, support, food, extra hands, bouncing bodies. We were doted upon while trying to calm this fierce little monster that had taken over our tiny baby's body. Then, one day, something happened that I wasn't expecting or prepared for... everyone went on living their lives.

Right before Wyatt was handed back to Mommy

Our families do not live in the same town as us. My parents are 90 miles south, which is awful close in comparison to Mark's family in the panhandle city of Amarillo. Mark has a great big family, with things constantly going on. The day we left the hospital to go home, Mark's parents unfortunately had to go home to celebrate another grandchild they had on the way. Mark & I have never lived as a married couple in the same town as his family, so naturally, we became very independent and accustomed to sharing time and missing precious family events. I think we both expected this time to be just as easy as all the other times, but seeing them leave the hospital as we were packing up to go home was the first real sadness I had felt in motherhood. I was sad that we weren't closer, I was sad that they had so much going on around the birth of our firstborn, and I was sad that I hadn't soaked up enough of the time we had shared together in those last couple of days. For the first time, I missed my in laws terribly.

On the other hand, we were so blessed that my mom could go home with us. My parents both work full time and are dedicated to their jobs. They also have a sanctuary of animals to take care of at home, but nothing kept them from coming back and forth to us that week. While my dad finished his work week, Mark, Wyatt, me and Mom came home to an immaculately cleaned home, stocked fridge and more love than we could have imagined, all thanks to the work my mother put in making sure we felt supported. My dad came back for the weekend, and we all just sat around looking at this little screaming human with hearts in our eyes (and ear plugs in our ears). Then Sunday came, and I cried. I cried in front of them, unashamed to show just how much I was going to miss them. I cried because that couple of days just wasn't enough. I cried because I knew my mom knew how to fix everything. I cried because I didn't. I cried because I knew I wasn't good enough to handle what was coming, and I cried because I knew Mark would try but also fall just short of making our child's first few weeks perfect.

We also had great friends come and go. They came, they tried with Wyatt, then they handed him back almost immediately. We had great mom-friends who tried with FERVOR to calm our baby. They had been there, done that, and lived through it. But it didn't work. They secretly communicated their sorrowful feelings for us to one another, then moved on with their own lives and families. It was then that I realized, life moves on around you, but when you have a colicky baby, you aren't prepared for yours to stop. 

I had to document the first time I ever calmed Baby Wyatt without feeding him

Mine stopped. I felt like I would never get out. I felt like I would never have a life again. I felt like I would never be able to step foot out my front door as long as my child lived at home. But then something miraculous happened. I learned to cope. I learned to calm my child without feeding him. I learned that I can exist without all the sleep in the world. I learned that I love watching my husband try and fall short but know he didn't care that perfection wasn't attained. I learned that I wasn't the only one who went through this or felt this way. 

Most of all, I learned that life went on around me while mine was just beginning. 

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